a few days before you first initiated that instagram dm, i started a spotify playlist for you. it all worked out well i guess, because after that dm i set my mind on making the playlist fit for nights on that rooftop. perhaps, it was wishful thinking, and i’d admit, i did let myself hope. even just a little, even for a short while each time. i did hope. i did… expect.
so when i finally left the playlist at that spot today before work, i was happy. happy that i was going to gift you with one of the most… heartfelt gifts i have ever created for anyone. because i thought everything was falling into place, into the seemingly right place i always wished and hoped for. therein lies all the baseless expectations, all the hopes harboured, making me feel like a complete fool.
but i have digressed. i began this entry wanting to remember how it felt like putting my entire heart on my sleeve, smearing it all over the songs in the playlist. it has been so long since i have done that, since i have let myself follow my heart without restrain, without listening to my brain that has been shouting at me to just, s t o p.
i only hope that you really mean it when you said you loved the cover, and that it was an amazing gift. i’ll let myself believe it.